Line-up (5-4-1)
Sloane, Waite, Newman, Johnston, Jacobs, O’Toole (Moore 60mins), Littlechild, Pratt, Walsh, Fribence, Damien

The first match back after the festive period is usually a struggle after almost a month without a game and Christmas excesses rounding our stomachs but this game, unlike the weather, was an unexpected breeze. Looking at the fixture no-one would have guessed this was to be CPR’s best win of the season, especially after a tough game against this newly promoted mob last time where one or two of them looked quite tasty. We like surprises, though, and are used to them, so the three points were more than welcome.

With tight calves, lack of match fitness and over-hangs aplenty we took to Victoria Park expecting a tough, tight battle of a game but instead faced a team depleted since Christmas, without their two main threats and with only 8 poor souls ready to play. With our ref Julius Allan desperate to kick off before it started getting dark we kicked off and took advantage. After twenty minutes two of their players arrived late from Alvaro’s tactically staged woolly coat party and were quickly brought on, but it was too late by then as the damage had been done early.

It was a bitterly cold day to be on the sidelines but Scotty and I were enjoying the game, well not so much the game because – and I don’t think I’m being harsh by saying this – it was a game of missed chances, so we had plenty ammunition to launch at the guns who weren’t firing. The flattering 5-0 score line flattered CPLP not CPR, as on another day with the same conditions we would have won by more than 10. Scotty, finally getting retribution for all the abuse he has faced throughout his CPR career, was making the most of it and after Walshy waved a four-fingered salute bragging about his goal tally MOTD was quick to cut him down with the riposte “Yeah but your strike ratio is shit!”. As a striker suffering more from the desire to be on the park and protect my Golden Boot than from my cold – oh how I laughed.

the opposition’s strategy was damage limitation, and our strike-force certainly helped execute that…

As much as we were facing a team deflated from a lack of strength in numbers, CPR came out of the blocks charging, scored and made the game ours before CPLP had a chance to count their squad. It was great to see and just as well we did because in the second half their numbers tallied 10 and they gave us more of a game, even with our captain charging down the right wing like he’d missed the bargain basement bucket at Burger King.

I think from the outset the opposition strategy was damage limitation and our strike-force certainly helped execute that game plan. Not wishing to pick out anyone specific for missing any chances, because I’m not mean like that, I’ll just say that a few of our players might have had more success back in Wimbledon fitting a cat-flap into Paddy’s house than building up our goal difference.

However, we must put a positive spin on the performance and did actually score 5, hitting the woodwork twice as well through a rasping roaster from Tooley and a bar crash bash from Jacobs. I suppose Walshy’s four were taken well and if I recall correctly two were headers, one came off his crotch, one was from a side-foot effort and two were ruled offside. Tooley, Waitey and Rich L were the main providers throughout the game with acres of the pitch to play in and it was a joy to see some great passing moves that led to the numerous chances we had and goals we scored. Another clean sheet can be added to the history books through the rocks of Newman and Waite, with the wing-backs Jacobs and Johnston skipping down the flanks.

I think Damo got the last goal but unfortunately I think I was at the shop buying Scotty and I some tea so missed it. I’m sure it was a cracker and that sealed the win to make it five. It was a good performance and a great win, regardless of the fact they were under-strength. The New Year has brought us some luck and long may it continue.

Here’s the new term “having a Walshy” in practice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26EDKabCs9c

Final score: CPR 5, CPLP United 0

Match Reporter: Stuart Kuczynski