Line-up (5-3-2)
Sloane, Griffin (Cavanagh 60), Johnston, Jacobs, Moore, Eyre, Pratt, Walsh, Littlechild (Waite, 45), Kuczynski (Butt, 70), Downey

Hurlingham Park, 12:30pm, mud, winter sunshine and the prospect of playing one of CPR’s arch rivals, a bunch of geordie bar codes, otherwise known as Northern Town and the perfect way to spend a Saturday! After two weekends spent wishing we were playing football instead of putting up shelves and making polite converstion with other halves’ parents, it was time to get back stuck in!

However, a disjointed changing session along with the older players’ constant need for a piss and SJ’s jokes saw a team leaving as individuals rather than the Irwin family still trying to find that ever-elusive sting ray, but with Toby sensing wandering minds and Rubber’s constant dreams of being pumelled with a leather paddle, we rounded up the CPR massive and the warm-up got started.

Two widths of the pitch and a view of Paddy’s knackers in the Budha stretching position was enough to ensure minds were switched on ready for battle.

Lined up and ready to go, eyes faced forward and all the week’s Christmas party hangovers had disappeared. However at that moment the CPR supporters’ club must have thought they were looking at a bunch of lilliputers facing a shed-load of gullivers!

Still, having lost the toss and being asked to face the low sun, CPR kicked off and of course before you blinked, Gypo was in his usual position – on the deck! Blood coming from the mouth, after a polite elbow from one of the gobby codes, meant at that moment CPR knew once again that it was going to be another lovely 90 mins with Northern Town.

Starting off the brighter and louder, the abnormal opposition began knocking the ball around and putting boots in where they were not wanted. Still, CPR survived and shape began to form: heads lifted and mouths opened and the red and blue army began to march.

Some good football from both sides didn’t come to much. However, Rickie and Stu with their pace and ability did turn and out-pace the redwood-like defence. A good work rate was established and Pratty, getting in a good performance before his birthday, began to get the ball down and pass it around. Midfield and defence were solid and more pressure was put onto the opposition: numerous corners were had but somehow nothing came from them.

Sensing luck was on their massive shoulders, Northern Town gathered themselves and began to gain confidence: pressure mounted and gilt-edged opportunities were missed. Still, the guy who drowned in the penalty-spot puddle surely thought he must have scored for his efforts!

CPR dug in and tried to contain, until a ball was swung in, a head was obviously easy to find and two players bundled the ball past a beaten keeper. Elated northern blokes went into serious New Year’s Eve like jubilation. However, this only lit the fuse to ignite the dormant CPR hearts.

Once again finding themselves one down, heads did not drop and CPR picked themselves up. Pratty took another elbow to the head but again it didn’t matter, CPR were not going to go down without a fight. The ball pinged about but with the best work coming from the troops in red, a few opportunities were missed until a move from defence through midfield and then a sweet turn by the Cambodian malaria-suffer, Rickie, saw him through on goal where he drilled a right-foot shot from his new sweatshop Nike boots: it came off the post and rippled the holey net. 1-1 and back in it.

The half-time whistle was blown and the weekly Jaffa Cake party started, along with some strong words and belief that this game was for the taking.

Halftime: Northern Town 1, CPR 1

First back onto the pitch, the lilliputarians sensed northern blood and the second half kicked off into action. Once again, however, the brighter start was made by the man-mountains in black and white. But although possesion was theirs, CPR as a team held firm and restricted them to wayward efforts from distance.

Substitutions were made: Rachel for Waitey, Safety for the Scottish foetus, who after having a great shot saved onto the post, gave his hamstring a rest, and Paddy for Double G (who, has to be said, left the field sporting the best war wound after his amazing first-half goal-line clearance – hope the missus was cool with the new look Gal!?)

With instant success the fresh-legged trio rode into town and began to enable the team to turn the tables. Pratty once again got time to get on the ball and pick passes, and players began to find channels. Pressure turned into more time at their end and Waitey, who seems to have fallen out of the Steve Newman tree, launched a howitzer from a throw-in right into the mixer, only to be met by what can only be described as a bounding, amazingly fresh-legged, leaping, wild elk, all the way from Walthamstow, dressed in rubber fir suit, to rise and nod a guided header past a flailing Northern ginger nut! 2-1 CPR.

Could this be happening could, Rubber/MOTD/highlights scoring the goal that sank the Town and cleared that fog from the Tyne?

Focused from the re-start, the troops kept their shape, spirits were up. The ball once again pinged about – however, the mud began to sap the strength out of the reds’ legs. Pratty went through his weekly cramp session and breathing became heavier.

Despite the ever-growing avalanche of shots from the Town, the defence kept firm and the team tackled back to break up play. There was one final twist to this long afternoon and that was a seriously sneaky handball, by the lead thief himself, off the line that no one saw… excellent!

So that was it, the three points had been won and CPR have now become a force in this league. 14 points before Christmas can only mean one thing – EUROPE.

Everyone played their part today, in what can only be described as a total battle, but with beautiful moments of good passing and great skill when it counted.

Well played boys, top respect to fans and players but let’s stay focused and keep the momentum going for next week and end before the break on a high – 17 points!

Rock+roll!

Final score: Northern Town 1, CPR 2

Match Reporter: Jim Eyre