Line-up (5-3-2)
Sloane, Moore (Evans, 45mins), Johnston, Griffin, Jacobs, Eyre, Littlechild (Butt, 80 mins), Pratt (Cavanagh, 85mins), Walsh, Kuczynski, Downey

It was a strange old Saturday over in South Park. The weather was changing its mind more often than Paul feeds his cat. We were without Tooley and big Steve, but with Walshy back and BGA on the sidelines taking pictures David Bailey would have been proud of, spirits were still high. CPR were the away team at their new home ground against a team of Irish lads sporting Celtic colours, which must have made it hard for Paul and Garry as they donned the new white ‘Rangers’ strip to let battle commence. Celtic v Rangers has been very one-sided of late in the SPL but this game was to be very different, especially since CPR are undefeated in the league at their new fortress and the new embroidered ‘The Fields’ sponsored kit was out for the first time. With Budgie supporting on the sidelines, the Fulham derby was about to begin in earnest.

It was CPR who had the first chance in the opening minutes after a scrappy start. Ricky was unleashed by a long ball from the back where the enthusiastic keeper ran out and collected the ball at his feet, seconds before the CPR striker could connect and open the scoring. Walshy, fresh now after an interesting tube journey where he was sweating more than the last hair on Martin’s head, hotter than a duffel-coated sumo wrestler in Africa, was feeling the pressure in midfield right from the kick-off. Shane, the big Irish Lokomotiv number 10, was trying like the Spice Girls 2 become 1 with our Steve Newman replacement and on several occasions might even have been said to be making the beast with two backs! It was clear that they intended to try and foul to take control in the middle of the park from the outset, but once The Two Rich’s got involved more the balance of power levelled out and it was goodnight for Shane.

After numerous free kicks, a few goal kicks and one or two goalmouth scrambles, it was LK who took the lead. They caught us short at the back when we were all up trying to score from Jim’s corner, so when the ball was finally cleared only Garry and Paul were left to stand tall. Scotty and Jacobs were desperately chasing the speedy winger down, running faster than if they were pursuing a hair-gel thief, but after the player took it on a solo run and skipped past the defence with a few rather fortuitous touches, he found his composure and steered the ball past Chris to make it 1-0.

One thing that has changed in CPR from last season is our refusal to give up and after the goal went in we came back brilliantly. We took the kick-off with our heads still high and with a new hunger to score, lead of course by our ravenous captain, so it was no surprise that within 5 minutes we had the equaliser. One of Chris’ kicks came looping into midfield and found Jim on the left, who then fed Rickie ahead of him and the lone CPR striker emulated what the LK winger had done minutes before but finished with more panache. After a step-over trick out left he knocked the ball past the right back, ran in towards the goalkeeper and stroked the ball low into the far left corner at a very tight angle to equalise. BGA almost caught it on camera, but there was a ‘raw’ and ‘moody’ light socket in the changing rooms that he’d missed.

In a game of highs and lows, CPR took another blow straight after. A few goal kicks from Jacobs had slowed the game down slightly as the big centre-half casually chatted to Chris in goals. It later turned out that he was discussing about the availability of his mum, on kit-washing duty of course, but the tempo had certainly dropped and we conceded again soon after. The kick was taken, CPR were all rushing upfront, the ball got intercepted, launched forward and the same LK player broke free down the left wing, shimmied like a battery hen recently freed from the congestion of the coop and tucked the ball nicely over Chris to make it 2-1. Another blow from the counter-attack and for Simon’s mum.

Luckily, heads were still high and it was CPR who had the next chance of the game. Another corner from Jim came in towards the back post to find the unlikely forehead of the wee man, who rose as if he were on John Murray’s shoulders on a trampoline and steered it towards goal. The header was downward and cleared off the line, but was perhaps not strong enough to cause any real problems. LK had a few chances of their own thereafter but either the defence made easy work of it or Chris handled them well. It was another corner from CPR that almost brought us the lead where Jim sailed another ball to the back post and like a Littlechild handshake, it missed everyone and almost went out for a throw. After Stuart chased it down and squared it to the very same Littlechild, he took a touch and smashed a 30-yard dipping drive which came off the bar and flew back to a LK player into safety. At this point the whistle blew for half-time and Saif must have felt like he’d been on the same tube as Walshy, worried for a split second that the coveted goal of the year trophy was going back to the same address.

Half-time: Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 2, CPR 1

The half-time team talk wrote itself. Like Clinton Baptiste in Pheonix Nights we were feeling the spirits very strong and everyone was encouraged by our refusal to give up after going a goal down. Captain Peppers made one change and brought Scotty off for Evans, switching Garry into a defensive midfield role to take care of the tricky Lokomotive winger. This seemed to work a treat, unlike Garry’s online account with the Clydedale that he’s had since he was 16 and unlike his mobile phone that’s heavy enough to smash a car windscreen and still has the game Snake! Refusal to adapt to the 21st century and refusal to cut his hair aside, the Scotsman made a big difference.

CPR were dominant for spells in the second half and looked like scoring on a few occasions, but LK didn’t seem to be worried and were content to sit back and soak up the pressure. Their skilful number 8 was causing a few problems but it was a CPR midfielder that finally smashed home the equaliser. After some hassling from Rickie down the right, aided by Jim and Stuart inside the box, the ball finally bounced up for Rachel to take his moment of glory. It was a tricky shot to execute well, but after his near miss in the first half he wasn’t going to be denied again and arched his body over the ball like only a pro-striker can (yes Scotty I’m sure you can do this too) and drove it low and hard into the bottom-right corner. The relief from everyone was evident in celebration. Cries of “That’s what I’m talking about!” still echo round South Park as you read this. The score was now 2-2 but CPR were not finished yet.

In the last few minutes of the game we had three great chances to take the spoils. Stuart had the first after he had challenged down a weak LK pass and taken the ball down the right hand side, hit his shot low to the left only to be denied by a fingertip save by the keeper touching it past the post for a corner. Seconds later the Ricky Martin School of Theatrics had a semi-bicycle-kick attempt from five yards out that just sniffed its way over the bar and at the death, right on the last kick of the ball, Walshy had a penalty spot shot that he took too long thinking about, snapped at it, mis-controlled it slightly and sailed it wide. The final whistle went as soon as the chance was gone and the disappointment was on show for all to see, not only from the big man who was cursing the miss, but from everyone as we knew we could have had the 3 points.

In the post-match analysis Evo argued, through debating skills evident from his fortuitous teaching profession, that one point is still actually a point and that we should be happy with this. I agree wholeheartedly but the frustration on display just shows how far we have come as a team. When the chips are down, sorry I shouldn’t mention chips around Paul, we graft like no other team in this league and come out fighting. It’s great to see. We’re now three games undefeated in the league lads and I have to honestly say that I’m enjoying this season immensely.

FORZA

Final score: Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 2, CPR 2

Match Reporter: Stuart Kuczynski