The CPR contingent got to South Park early, as curiousity to check out their new home ground mingled with the somewhat lesser desire for a proper warm-up in the heat. Apart from the metered parking at £8 for the afternoon, first impressions were favourable. A decent pitch inside a nice little enclosed park, with a good boozer just up the road. Only negative comment came from Walshy who had to give up his usual pre-match public p1ss due to the number of young mums and toddlers in proximity.

With 30 mins before kick-off Evans led the team into some gentle ballwork routines, before skipper Pablo put the team through some set-piece drills. These consisted of Stuart launching free-kicks into the box 30 seconds before/after everyone had made their runs into the box; Peter O'T showed how it should be done with some lovely curling deliveries that even Scotty couldn't fail to score from.

To make a pleasant change our ref showed up on time and the match kicked off bang on 1:30. The Atholl quickly got down to business and showed that their style hasn't changed since we last met them: quick passing and lots of movement off the ball. They had the best of the opening 10 mins but CPR had their own chance when a neat flick from Charlie sent Stu down the right flank and his cross was just cut out on the penalty spot by the keeper before it reached Paddy.

As the minutes wore on, however, it was The Atholl who looked more likely to penetrate. They'd missed a couple of half-chances before CPR served the opener to them on a plate. The CPR put themselves under pressure by trying to play their way out of a tight area, The Atholl's right-winger nipped in to steal possession and his cross was duly converted.

For the next 20 mins CPR struggled to get a foothold in the game, as The Atholl looked to have the edge in sharpness and ideas. CPR couldn't replicate that energy and movement, which resulted in too many long ball played up to Stu and Paddy which The Atholl's 6-foot-plus centre-back mopped up easily. Concentration levels can't have been helped by Evans asking the centre-midfield duo, mid-game, if they knew who had the white kits from Milan.

The Atholl had missed a couple more chances before they got their second. CPR had chances to clear a corner but could only get it to the edge of the box, where The Atholl's striker hit a cracking volley that Chris stopped brilliantly only for a striker to tuck in the rebound.

After the goal Garry came on for Scott at LB but the pattern of the game remained the same, with CPR looking unlikely to find a way back into things. The half ended with Walshy having to make a crucial tackle in the penalty box to see off another dangerous Atholl attack.

Half-time: CPR 0, The Atholl 2

CPR were determined to make amends in the second half and there certainly was an improvement in the overall performance right from the off. Although they still couldn't find a way to The Atholl's goalmouth they began to play through the midfield a bit more, stringing passes together with more fluency. At the same time they closed down their oppponents more quickly, giving a more solid look defensively also.

As the half wore on neither team could break through the stalemate to take the ascendancy. Chances were scarce at either end. To freshen things up, Saif came on at left wing with Faisal moving to centre mid in place of Rich R. There was frequently some good link-up play, particularly down the left, between Faisal, Peter and Stu, but The Atholl's capable defence managed to smother the danger before it got too close to goal.

As the match moved into the final 20 mins, however, it was clear that CPR legs were beginning to tire and The Atholl found a bit more room to press forward once again. In the first warning of things to come, Chris pulled off a blinding one-handed stop to thwart The Atholl's no. 10 who'd raced clear on goal. However, the save proved to be in vain as CPR's marking at the resultant corner was slack: the flighted ball travelled all the way across the box before it was slammed into the net at the far post.

It was to get worse from there on. The Atholl still looked the fresher and more mobile of the teams and they made their superior fitness pay in the final 15. With 10 mins left CPR repelled a corner and started to push upfield, but The Atholl's centre-mid picked the ball up 30 yards out, broke a few tired tackles and ran through to score as the CPR defence parted like the Red Sea in front of him. In the final few minutes The Atholl got their fifth after yet more slack marking at a corner, the set-pieces really proving to be CPR's undoing.

Stu had one late half-chance for a consolation goal, with a snap-shot which went over the bar. Perhaps a goal would have been reward for a better second-half performace, and the final scoreline is harsh, but overall CPR were a long way behind their opponents in fitness, touch and speed. But if the purpose of friendlies is to see where we're at, this outing certainly did the trick. Fortunately there's time to get things fixed before the league kicks off in earnest.

Final score: CPR 0, The Atholl 5

GG

There was a pleasant surprise for the CPR squad before kick-off, when Donny turned-up with his little girl to watch CPR in action, what an introduction to CPR this would turn out to be for CPR's youngest fan, she'll no doubt be asking Daddy to take her to all our games in future.

Your reporter spent the first few minutes of the match trying to retrieve the CPR match ball from over the razor-wire protected wall behind the CPR goal and missed what was a very eventful opening period. I'm reliably informed that Northern Town (NT) had taken the lead through an unfortunate own goal by Pablo, who was helpless as a ball played into the CPR area cannoned off him into the back of the net. CPR were soon back in the game when Stuart beat the NT offside trap and tucked the ball passed the keeper (1-1).

After the CPR equaliser NT started to pile the pressure onto the CPR defence, they were unable to find a way past Walshy to this point, who was showing why he was the reigning CPR player of the Year. However, the pressure finally told when CPR failed to clear their lines effectively and new recruit Dan couldn't quite get to the ball with his outstretched leg, the NT attacker decided to make the most of the opportunity and went over, penalty! This seemed a harsh decision, although our expert in these matters (Rich P), later said that he would have gone down. The penalty was tucked away (2-1).

CPR kicked-off once again and before long had an excellent chance to equalise, when a poor back header by the NT centre back left Ricky in the clear, with the NT keeper off his line Ricky tried a long range volley which went agonisingly wide. NT once again started applying the pressure, keeping the ball alive in and around the CPR penalty area and Walshy could do nothing this time, as a low cross into the six yard box rebounded off him into the back of the net (3-1).

After the previous week's performance and the chance to equalise minutes earlier, things were not looking good for CPR, however, instead of feeling sorry for themselves, it seemed to make them more determined to get back into the game and they started to push forward. They stringed a few passes together on the left hand side which culminated in Stuart lofting a ball over the NT defence for Ricky too race on to, the striker managed to get there just before the keeper and then tapped the ball into the unguarded goal (3-2). There was even more cause for celebration minutes later when John O'Toole coolly headed in Peppers pinpoint cross to make it 3-3, the NT players didn't know what had hit them.

There was still time in the first half for Rich L to tell the NT striker to take his David Hasselhoff hair and F***-off, after a heated exchange between the two teams, this proved to be the highlight of an entertaining match for Scotty (closely followed by Walshy's own goal) and seemed to be enough to win his vote for man of the match. NT also had time to play some long balls up to their big men (they were all big, but not clever) and working from the knock-downs/clearances this once again paid off for them, when another low cross was tapped home at the far post.

Half-time: Northern Town 4, CPR 3

A half time switch saw Scotty and Paddy came on for Pablo and Stuart, with the formation remaining the same. CPR knew they were still in this game, but that they had to be more alert at the back and the Captain was hoping that Amelie hadn't yet finished her packed lunch. The second half didn't start well though, with NT claiming two quick goals, first a cross was headed in at the far post (5-3), then one of their players sent a shot from the edge of the area into the top right hand corner, nothing the keeper could do for this one (6-3).

CPR heads still didn't go down and they were soon back in the game when the biggest NT central defender could only head an O'Toole ball into their penalty area straight up into the air, Walshy was first to the dropping ball and nodded expertly into the corner (6-4).

Another CPR change saw Jim and Dan leave the field to be replaced by Evans and Martin, who was making his CPR debut. CPR started to push forward and were putting together more passes, this led to a flowing move which started down the left and ended with Ricky laying it into the path of the on rushing Evans, whose first time shot was too good for this keeper, proving he's a better right midfielder than he is a referee's assistant (6-5).

CPR continued to pile on the pressure and a through ball which beat the NT offside trap left Ricky in another race with the keeper, this time the keeper had a bigger head start and just got to the ball first, but did get clattered for his trouble. With CPR sensing that NT were on the back foot a further change saw Saif and Stuart come on in midfield, for Rich L and O'Toole.

Further CPR pressure caused by the tireless running of the front two led to a chance for Saif, the ball falling between him and the keeper, yet another race for the ball ended with Saif clipping the ball past the now exhausted keeper and watching as it rolled all the way onto the post and back out, luckily Paddy was sniffing around the edge of the box as usual and showed us all what he's talking about, by sticking the ball into the back of the net. Unfortunately NT decided to disallow the goal (claiming Paddy was offside), as they preferred to keep the lead at this time, the Ref was easily convinced. This was not to be Charlie Charlesworths finest hour and a half.

To add insult to injury NT then pushed up the other end and a header from a corner saw them go 7-5 up. To add injury to the insult there was then a clash of heads between Walshy and Rich P, Rich P managing to draw blood from the back of Walshy's head, with no first aid kit on show they had to make do with a quick splash of water, not even a magic sponge.

Dan came back on in midfield for Rich P as CPR pushed forward to try and get back in the match. Further chances did come their way, the closest of which resulted in Ricky blasting another volley just wide. NT sealed the win late on when a quick throw on resulted in their player being clear on goal, he managed to score with a near post volley.

It wasn't the end result CPR were looking for, but there was a feeling that progress had been made from the previous week and we had given ourselves something to build on, as we know we can defend better and were pleased to have scored some goals. Other positives to be taken out of the day were the free parking and nice pitch at Hurlingham Park (which led to calls for us to change our home ground), Jim's new boots which seem to be lucky (as he didn't go down injured in this match) and Rich P's lack of Cramp, which he celebrated by splashing out on a £6 burger and £1.80 Blackcurrant cordial (with Tap water), Jurassic Park!

Saif Butt

The warm up commenced with 100% focus and determination as Evans put us through our paces. Over on the other side, the Resolute were pi$$ing around, presumably laughing about the easy task that lay ahead of them.

CPR started tentatively, understandably lacking a little confidence but the defending from the whole team was determined and solid and the home side were struggling against the tight marking.

After 20 mins, an interception by Rachel high up the field launched CPR's first real counter-attack. Rickie looked second favourite when chasing a through ball but showed tremendous strength and pace to stride away from the last defender and slot past the onrushing keeper from 16 yards. 1-0 CPR.

The goal lifted the whole team and the defending for the rest of the half looked more deliberate and composed. The Resolute did not have a shot on goal in the entire half but Chris still had to look lively to claim crosses and sweep the edge of his box. He did this to good effect around the half our mark to dive at the feet of the onrushing Resolute forward.

Soon after, Stu bit into another tackle, received a return pass from O'Toole and played in Rickie for number 2, giving CPR a deserved half-time lead.

Half-time: The Resolute 0, CPR 2

The Resolute who had been squabbling with each other all game replaced their normally most creative player, winger #20 with a 6'5 giant and upped the pace from half time. Again, though CPR fairly comfortably held firm for the first 10 mins.

Then a clearance sent Rickie clear again, but the big keeper who looked like the fat gymnast from the Skoda advert was big and agile enough to put Rickie off. 5 mins later, however, CPR did get their third as a Newman-O'Toole interchange fed ricky down the right channel. On a hat-trick, he unselfishly looked for Stu in the middle. The wee man still had a lot to do but slotted clinically passed the big man.

3-0. Game over? Not likely. This lot don't know when they are beaten. Their reply came only 3 minutes later, a well taken header by Captain Wozza from a corner on the right.

Their arguments turned to battle-cries. CPR now knew they were in a war and there was ckuffin Charlie everywhere. The pressure was relentless but then somehow CPR broke forward again and scored a goal of pure quality. Evans won the ball in the right-back position and flighted a beautiful pass to Stu. The Scot sidestepped a challenge and pierced a pass through for Rickie to bang home his hat-trick and restore the 3-goal buffer.

A $hit load of corners followed for the home side and CPR were camped in their own box once more. The first Rachel took in the midrift and was then replaced by the ever-battle ready Cavanagh. From the second, the CPR captain, Johnston saw an attempted headed clearance bound for his own goal only for Chris to save his blushes with an amazing one-handed save.

The third corner in a row, however, went straight into the CPR net despite a desperate effort by Griffin at the back post to keep it out.

Soon after, Chris could do nothing as Johnston's luck ran out, trying to cut out a wicked cross from the left which came off his shin and into the low right-hand corner of his own net. $hit! 4-3. Surely they couldn't do it to us again??

The last 13 minutes of the match saw some desperate defending on the edge of the box once more but only 2 real chances of note. The first when big Steve tried to steal PJ's thunder when his chest down on his own goal line looked goal bound but trickled just wide. The second from another deep cross from the left which beat everyone including, mercifully, the Resolute left winger at the back post.

But this was CPR's day at long last and the whistle was greeted with some relief and long awaited celebrations from the lads.

Final score: The Resolute 3, CPR 4

Match Reporter: Paul Johnston

The groundwork for the victory was laid out before the game. The team talk showed that a new CPR philosophy has emerged: results first, pretty football second. No team name change to 'CP Dons' was, however, suggested.

So, the team ran out for their first home league game of the season on the new domicile of South Park. There were ominous signs for the games ahead: someone had pitched one of the goal nets around the wrong way (doh!) and several fiendish bogs had emerged on the pitch, ready to gather in the inattentive midfielder. The Rangers will need all their navigational skills this season.

The pre-match activities dragged on for longer than usual as CP tried to stay warm waiting for the referee to turn up. He eventually arrived and started the match off over half-an-hour late.

The dear ref, having already delayed the time for hitting the pub (sacrilege!), further upset proceedings by insisting that all jewellery was removed. Apparently that included Kuczynski's inoffensive gold ring (an important enough issue to order the garrulous Gael temporarily off the pitch) but not Atholl's striker's necklace. But CPR did not reach for their dictionaries; it was clear that the shock of the opening games of the season has left its mark, as full focus was maintained.

The discipline was rewarded soon afterwards. After some solid graft down the right, the ball was whipped in by O'Toole for Newman, who found himself unmarked by the far post. He rose expectantly and headed the ball, which thudded against the crossbar, rebounding towards him.

What happened next is unclear. The ref didn't manage to properly view the incident, and neither did your reporter. Some sources, variable in reliability, suggest the big man may have made some use of one of his upper limbs. Others just lean forward in their chairs, look you in the eye and say, in hushed voices, "Son, what happened in that goalmouth that day is for those men (and Pratt's girlfriend) to know. Maybe one day the world will be ready to listen, but, until that day, the story must remain untold."

Whatever that story, the ball nestled in the back of the net and the Atholl dejectedly kicked off once more: 1-0 to CPR.

The match continued with fairly even possession for both teams. CPR scrapped away, and in doing so Jacobs picked up a booking for kicking an Atholl player as if it were his opponent's fault for his lumbering first touch.

A highlight came as half-time approached. Atholl worked the ball in from the left and, after several flying challenges, the ball fell loose to an opposition midfielder on the edge of the box. All CPR bodies were seemingly too far away to prevent a free strike on goal and the man pivoted, shaping to shoot with his right foot.

Then, drawing on reserves of knowledge from his fighter pilot days, Simon 'Maverick' Evans scythed in from the right wing with a sliding challenge, his outstretched leg directed like the nose of an F16 fighter. He crunched into the man and achieved the defender's Holy Grail: he scuppered a great chance for the opposition and left his opponent in a heap on the floor, whimpering to the sidelines. Grrrr.

Half-time: CPR 1, The Atholl 0

The teams switched around and belief was evident in the CPR ranks. The team started brightly as Rickie demonstrated once again his potentially-devastating form as he exhibited ballerina-like skills, pirouetting around one of the opposition defenders and chipping the ball forwards - only for it to ping back off the stanchion.

Atholl managed to level affairs not long into the second half. Moore, who had given his necklace-wearing charge for the afternoon full respect and had not commented on his fashion sense (no doubt fearing another 'what! Highlights at 33!' comment), was blameless as the striker cheekily back-heeled a low cross into the bottom left-hand corner of the net. Even Sloane's super-latex mittens could not reach: 1-1.

But CPR knew grit was the order of the day, digging in once again. No quarter was being shown as Eyre, Newman, Pratt and Littlechild all picked up second-half bookings. Cavanagh's presence also brought the team some extra zest, as the pseudo-Irishman gave his customary commitment from the bench. The team kept faith, knowing that they deserved the victory.

Salvation came as the minutes ticked down. Once again, the pivotal figure of Steve Newman was to thank. Mistakenly believing that the game was staged for the purposes of the 2012 British long-throwing Olympic trials, he launched one of his many long throws into the box from the touchline about level with the top of the 18-yard box.

This time, however, apparently dissatisfied with his team-mates' prowess in the air, Newman arrowed the ball directly at the goal. Cavanagh leaped and missed - but did enough to distract the opposition keeper who flapped and inadvertently gloved the ball into his own net. Delight for CPR! 2-1.

The remaining minutes were eked out by the side, sticking to Johnston's restrained tactics as he, in turn, marshalled the defence to hold firm. Holding out for a win proved to be, once again, a skill that CPR can, and do, possess.

Final score: CPR 2, The Atholl 1

Match Reporter: Simon Jacobs

It was CPR who had the first chance in the opening minutes after a scrappy start. Ricky was unleashed by a long ball from the back where the enthusiastic keeper ran out and collected the ball at his feet, seconds before the CPR striker could connect and open the scoring. Walshy, fresh now after an interesting tube journey where he was sweating more than the last hair on Martin's head, hotter than a duffel coated sumo wrestler in Africa, was feeling the pressure in midfield right from the kick-off. Shane, the big Irish Lokomotive number 10, was trying like the Spice Girls 2 become 1 with our Steve Newman replacement and on several occasions might even have been said to be making the beast with two backs! It was clear that they intended to try and foul to take control in the middle of the park from the outset, but once The Two Rich's got involved more the balance of power levelled out and it was goodnight for Shane.

After numerous free kicks, a few goal kicks and one or two goalmouth scrambles, it was LK who took the lead. They caught us short at the back when we were all up trying to score from Jim's corner, so when the ball was finally cleared only Garry and Paul were left to stand tall. Scotty and Jacobs were desperately chasing the speedy winger down, running faster than if they were pursuing a hair-gel thief, but after the player took it on a solo run and skipped past the defence with a few rather fortuitous touches, he found his composure and steered the ball past Chris to make it 1-0.

One thing that has changed in CPR from last season is our refusal to give up and after the goal went in we came back brilliantly. We took the kick-off with our heads still high and with a new hunger to score, lead of course by our ravenous captain, so it was no surprise that within 5 minutes we had the equaliser. One of Chris' kicks came looping into midfield and found Jim on the left, who then fed Ricky ahead of him and the lone CPR striker emulated what the LK winger had done minutes before but finished with more panache. After a step-over trick out left he knocked the ball past the right back, ran in towards the goalkeeper and stroked the ball low into the far left corner at a very tight angle to equalise. BGA almost caught it on camera, but there was a 'raw' and 'moody' light socket in the changing rooms that he'd missed.

In a game of highs and lows, CPR took another blow straight after. A few goals kicks from Jacobs had slowed the game down slightly as the big center half casually chatted to Chris in goals. It later turned out that he was discussing about the availability of his mum, on kit washing duty of course, but the tempo had certainly dropped and we conceded again soon after. The kick was taken, CPR were all rushing upfront, the ball got intercepted, launched forward and the same LK player broke free down the left wing, shimmied like a battery hen recently freed from the congestion of the coop and tucked the ball nicely over Chris to make it 2-1. Another blow from the counter attack and for Simon's mum.

Luckily, heads were still high and it was CPR who had the next chance of the game. Another corner from Jim came in towards the back post to find the unlikely forehead of the wee man, who rose as if he were on John Murray's shoulders on a trampoline and steered it towards goal. The header was downward and cleared off the line, but was perhaps not strong enough to cause any real problems. LK had a few chances of their own thereafter but either the defence made easy work of it or Chris handled them well. It was another corner from CPR that almost brought us the lead where Jim sailed another ball to the back post and like a Littlechild handshake, it missed everyone and almost went out for a throw. After Stuart chased it down and squared it to the very same Littlechild, he took a touch and smashed a 30 yard dipping drive which came off the bar and flew back to a LK player into safety. At this point the whistle blew for half time and Saif must have felt like he'd been on the same tube as Walshy, worried for a split second that the coveted goal of the year trophy was going back to the same address.

Half-time: Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 2, CPR 1

The half time team talk wrote itself. Like Clinton Baptiste in Pheonix Nights we were feeling the spirits very strong and everyone was encouraged by our refusal to give up after going a goal down. Captain Peppers made one change and brought Scotty off for Evans, switching Garry into a defensive midfield role to take care of the tricky Lokomotive winger. This seemed to work a treat, unlike Garry's online account with the Clydedale that he's had since he was 16 and unlike his mobile phone that's heavy enough to smash a car windscreen and still has the game Snake! Refusal to adapt to the 21st century and refusal to cut his hair aside, the Scotsman made a big difference.

CPR were dominant for spells in the second half and looked like scoring on a few occasions, but LK didn't seem to be worried and were content to sit back and soak up the pressure. Their skilful number 8 was causing a few problems but it was a CPR midfielder that finally smashed home the equaliser. After some hassling from Ricky down the right, aided by Jim and Stuart inside the box, the ball finally bounced up for Rachel to take his moment of glory. It was a tricky shot to execute well, but after his near miss in the first half he wasn't going to be denied again and arched his body over the ball like only a pro-striker can (yes Scotty I'm sure you can do this too) and drove it low and hard into the bottom right corner. The relief from everyone was evident in celebration. Cries of "That's what I'm talking about!" still echo round South Park as you read this. The score was now 2-2 but CPR were not finished yet.

In the last few minutes of the game we had 3 great chances to take the spoils. Stuart had the first after he had challenged down a weak LK pass and taken the ball down the right hand side, hit his shot low to the left only to be denied by a fingertip save by the keeper touching it past the post for a corner. Seconds later the Ricky Martin School of Theatrics had a semi-bicycle-kick attempt from five yards out that just sniffed its way over the bar and at the death, right on the last kick of the ball, Walshy had a penalty spot shot that he took too long thinking about, snapped at it, miss-controlled it slightly and sailed it wide. The final whistle went as soon as the chance was gone and the disappointment was on show for all to see, not only from the big man who was cursing the miss, but from everyone as we knew we could have had the 3 points.

In the post-match analysis Evo argued, through debating skills evident from his fortuitous teaching profession, that one point is still actually a point and that we should be happy with this. I agree wholeheartedly but the frustration on display just shows how far we have come as a team. When the chips are down, sorry I shouldn't mention chips around Paul, we graft like no other team in this league and come out fighting. It's great to see. We're now three games undefeated in the league lads and I have to honestly say that I'm enjoying this season immensely.

FORZA

Final score: Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 2, CPR 2

Match Reporter: Stuart Kuczynski

Anyway, I digress. Due to late scheduling and diary conflicts, CPR were without several players, including their captain and second-in-command, for their all-important first round game in the Challenge Trophy. Still, a squad strong enough to give Mourinho wet dreams made the journey to South Park, showing the impressive strength in depth CPR boasts this season. Our player-manager for the day was Mr Kuczynski, who gave an inspirational team talk without actually divulging who was in the starting 11. However, this was no excuse for the veritable buffet of sock colours on display throughout the CPR team. Although not "turning in his grave" as Walshy so ominously put it, subsequent emails revealed that Budgie indeed was fuming about such a shoddy approach to kit.

Stood before us in competition were the mysterious Kurd Stars Reserves. (Reserves being the operative word as there were clearly no stars to be seen, aside from those flashing in front of the eyes of any man whose nostrils felt the sting of Walshy's pre-match excavations wafting up them.) All we knew of the opposition was that they had been scared into moving leagues by big bully boys and they wanted to play 'nice' football. Ergo tactics for the game - hit 'em hard. Surely no problem for the CPR elite.

The early indications were that this was the way to play the Stars. The constant harrying of the two strikers, led to uncertainty amongst their back line, and the midfield seemingly had an age to pick out a pass. As such, CPR dominated the early stages and it was no surprise to see Ricky break through on several occasions, and test the keeper with a few shots from range. However, CPR's dominance was not converted into goals, and the Stars soon started challenging the game. Then in a pivotal moment, a through ball released Ricky down the right flank, he skipped past one defender, reaching the by-line and cut the ball back to the unmarked Kuczynski on the penalty spot. With all the time in the world, the wee man picked his spot to the left of the straggling goalkeeper, and missed it by 15 yards, the ball rolling limply out for a goal kick. With all the recent controversy over the accuracy of match report detail, perhaps it's not the role of the reporter to comment on whether the poor man's Jason Lee should have buried it or not...
... except that it is and he should.

The missed chance didn't dampen CPR's spirits, but it inspired the Stars to somewhat of a mini-surge on the CPR goal, with their midfield showed some nifty touches and quick passes. But the CPR goal was never really under threat. The most Sloane had to do in goal was make light-hearted chit-chat with his new goal-kicking buddy Nick Newman. The remainder of the half was very much 50:50 in terms of possession and territory, with CPR perhaps guilty of diving in too soon and misplacing a few passes. As the interval approached neither side looked much like scoring. The forwards had little to work with and the back three were neutralising anything the attack had to throw at them. Either that or Jacobs had lulled them into a hypnotic trance with more dulcet renditions of patriotic hymns.

Half-time: CPR 0 Kurd Stars Reserves 0

In the hope of breaking the deadlock that he himself could have so easily shattered, Stu brought Dan, Saif and Faisal in for Rich L, Rich P and Garry, the latter risking John Wayne Bobbitt style treatment from his missus for playing. But he'd pretty much ran his balls off in the first half anyway, so she'd have little to work with.

The changes appeared to have no immediate effect on the pattern the game was taking, with CPR still managing to release Ricky on numerous occasions. The pacy forward was fouled time and time again, and saw two credible penalty shouts waved away by the referee, who at times showed questionable opinions of what constitutes a foul. One particular instance had him ruling against Stu who, in impressively holding off a defender, was apparently "sticking his arse out too much." Probably not the first time he's been accused of such behaviour, but definitely the only way he was going to score over the weekend.

The Stars took inspiration from the even scoreline and began to pile increasing pressure on the defence. Indeed, following a sustained period of pressure the Stars' right winger whipped over a cross to the back post which the striker duly nodded home. Fortunately, the sharp-eyed linesman spotted the forward had strayed offside, and duly flagged to have the goal disallowed. If only the lino's passing had been as sharp as his vision, he may not have found himself assisting the referee in the first place.

Despite CPR's endeavour in the final third, it seemed a goal would be like a Kuczynski round and just never come. However, with 10 minutes to go, a quickly taken throw-in had Dan with the ball on the right flank. Fortunately for CPR, Dan's ability to cross a ball far outweighs his ability to find matching socks, and he chipped the ball into the danger zone for Ricky to flick onto the unmarked Walshy. With the style and grace of a drunken flamingo, he duly slotted the ball low to the keeper's left, sending the men in white into raptures.

The final 10 could have been a nervy time for CPR, but the new-found confidence of the CPR defence left the Stars attack languishing like a teenage boy with his virtuous girlfriend - plenty of action around the box, but unable to find any real penetration. Scotty did his best to give the opposition a chance by not only handling the ball in the area, but following this up by "O'Tooling" the Stars' striker. To everyone's relief Scotty climbed off the floored man's back to see the ref had ruled it a fair challenge.

The final whistle blew, but amongst the joy at the win with a clean sheet, was a niggling feeling it could have been by more. (The niggle in particular being their no.9 saying "You're shit, you didn't deserve it, you won't go far, but good luck anyway boys.") But we did deserve it. The defenders played superbly across the back line and the strikers (with Saif particularly feisty after a few days of eating again) worked tirelessly and showed great touches.

Bring on Racing Chiswick, we'll shit ‘em.

Final score: CPR 1, Kurd Stars Reserves 0

Match Reporter: Rich L

It had been a bright and surprisingly warm November day as Evans took the team through the warm-up. Rangers were without the passion of Pratt (now also known as Rachel) and the exuberance of Downey - the latter having embarked on a three-month Columbus-style worldwide voyage of exploration. In to fill their shoes were Steve ‘Festa' Newman (probably after snipping holes in the toes) and John ‘Shaggy' O'Toole, both having been on two-week breaks.

Downey's absence led the captain to adjust the formation to 5-4-1 to accommodate the available players and the game kicked off with CPR almost back to their full complement of red socks (or was that sox?) after pre-match pleas from Budgie and the secretary.

CPR were slow out of the blocks as the Islington ex-pats appeared to forget the hunger and commitment that had inspired their solid start to the season. With barely a minute gone, a hopeful cross looped over into the CPR box from the home team's left-hand side. Moore (as he divulged to your reporter later on), in close competition for the ball with the nippy Chiswick striker, unluckily skewed a clearance off the side of his left boot and the ball skidded under Sloane and into the net. CPR were behind before they could catch their breath.

Heads did not go down, but CPR had still not woken up to the task in hand. Chiswick found the ball once again down their right-hand side and moved the ball around with some tricky interplay. CPR seemed mesmerised and did not manage to make a decisive tackle tell in the build up. Then, the ball fell into a half-yard of space for a Chiswick forward and he unleashed a curling left-foot shot from the edge of the CPR 18-yard box high and into the top corner. The keeper had no chance: Rangers were 2-0 down.

CPR then began to wake up and strived to show some grit to haul themselves back into the game. They demonstrated that no longer were they prepared to roll over when a couple of goals behind and that they had the all-important belief that they could still find equalising - and winning - goals. Jacobs and Kuczynski displayed the evident determination as they performed a double-team on a bulky Chiswick opponent: Jacobs shook the man off-balance with a poorly-timed tackle from behind (leading to a yellow card from the trigger-happy ref) and Chewie clattered him (fairly) from the front, reducing him to a heap on the floor. There was life in the side yet.

However, CPR fell a further goal behind shortly afterwards. Chiswick had a free kick around thirty yards out and the kick was taken and miscued, the ball floating far over the team's strikers instead of, as intended, onto their oncoming foreheads. Sloane, in part due to the distraction of the intercepting rays of the sun, was unable to properly judge the flight of the ball and only managed to palm the ball into his own net. Let the record stand that he scurried off immediately after the game for an "optician's appointment". Perhaps he will be wearing glasses next week.

A further blow took place for the whitened warriors shortly before half-time as O'Toole limped off due to a recurrence of an injury of his calf. The ill-fortuned Irishman gave way to the lithe Cavanagh, who, oddly, bounded onto the pitch like a calf.

Hope came for CPR just before half time. The Rangers had been plugging away with a series of corners and long throws, but no clear-cut chances had presented themselves, the Racing back line proving to be steadfast in the air. Then, just when needed, the ball fell loose on the edge of the box from the melee of a half-cleared corner. Thankfully, the ball did not fall to a small boy - but to Littlechild - who calmly curved the sphere over the onlooking defence and into the waiting net. 3-1, and CPR were back in it, with reason for hope at half time.

Half-time: CPR 1 Racing Chiswick 5

CPR were back out of the blocks for the second half and keen to make their mark on the game. Evans was eager to make his mark on the opposing midfielders, and demonstrated his intent in picking up a booking for a flying two-footed (but entirely legal) challenge. However, the Rangers lacked imagination and creativity going forward and rarely threatened the opposition goal. Possession was more often being used for speculative balls over the top which were being comfortably dealt with by the Racing defence.

The closest CPR got to a goal in the second half was from a corner. The ref blew up shortly before Walsh headed in a loose ball to call a foul on the Chiswick keeper, who had been bundled to the floor in the confusion. The fact it was a Chiswick player who had done the bundling seemed to escape the ref's notice.

Either side of the disallowed goal, Chiswick extended their lead as CPR left themselves a little stretched searching for a way back into the match. The lead went first to four - with a through ball down the right and a tidy finish from their nippy striker - and then to five, when the ball fell into the path of an onrushing Chiswick winger on the left who beat Sloane at the near post.

CPR were well beaten in the end, but the side felt a little hard done by at the margin of defeat. The team trudged off, thoughts turning to the chance of doing the double over The Atholl at Victoria Park the following week.

Final score: CPR 1, Racing Chiswick 5

Match Reporter: Simon Jacobs

There was some confusion over the exact number of players The Atholl were fielding from the start, but whether it was 10 or 11, they played like they had several more than CPR, carving open the CPR back line with clever runs from midfield time and again. For all their early dominance however, The Atholl didn't manage to create any clear chances and gradually CPR settled into the game, passing the ball around well, and coping more easily with The Atholl's forays forward.

Unfortunately at this stage, CPR lost their man-of-the-match winning right back from the previous game with a tight hamstring. Unable to continue, and with a long, hard season ahead, Griffin called for a replacement and joined O'Toole on the injury list. As his replacement, Butt entered the fray, and CPR reverted to a 4-4-2 formation, with Johnston moving to centre-back and Jacobs filling in at right-back. This gave the big centre-half the unusual, but welcome, opportunity to make some forward runs, something he would do more of as the game wore on.

It was at this point that CPR should have broken the deadlock: After a period of pressurised play in The Atholl's half, a whipped in ball from the right found the head of Chris Walsh. He rose, masterfully, steering the ball onto the cross bar, perhaps expecting a Steve Newman follow-up as in the previous Atholl game. Alas, it was not to be, but CPR were truly in the hunt, and The Atholl were there for the taking.

It remained an attacking first half, with neither team looking completely comfortable in defence, and with both sides creating chances. Unfortunately, with five minutes remaining in the half, a ball from The Atholl's right was met with a glancing header at the near post, the ball evaded the desperate lunge of Sloane and nestled in the back of the net via the inside of the far post. 1-0 to Atholl.

There was still time in the first half for a Kuczynski effort - great running from the wee man created a hole at the back of the Atholl's defence, and his smart shot across the keeper seemed destined to level the match before half time. Regrettably, the keeper was equal to the task, and pulled off a great save low down to his left, to leave Stu writhing in disappointment.

Half-time: The Atholl 1, CPR 0

Strong words were said at half time by Captain Peppers regarding the team's performance at the back, and CPR went out into the strengthening head-wind, up for the fight, with spirits restored.

It was a much improved performance from the CPR defence, with Moore and Johnston solid in the middle, and Eyre and Jacobs looking to get forward and help the midfield. It was a half of fewer chances for both sides, with the Atholl limited to a couple of free kicks and corners easily dealt with by CPR's back line. Whilst CPR themselves were forced to rely heavily on Cavanagh's and Kuczynski's tireless running.

The game could have turned around the hour mark, when the ref awarded the Atholl a penalty when a fair challenge from Moore was rewarded by an arm to the face from the Atholl's striker. As Moore went down, the ref blew his whistle and pointed to the spot, even though not a single Atholl player had appealed for the kick. Well, Johnston doesn't take decisions like that lying down, and explained to the ref exactly what had happened, and why he was going to reverse his judgment. The ref listened, and changed his mind: a prudent move from the man in black.

Waite came on for Cavanagh to provide some more mettle in midfield and Newman pushed further forward to support Kuczynski. Unfortunately, soon afterwards CPR were 2 down after a clearance from Sloane failed to find a CPR shirt and a deft lob from an Atholl player found the goalie off his line and struggling to make his ground - the ball just beating a desperate attempt from the flailing keeper.

CPR heads refused to go down and drawing on pre-match advice from O'Toole ("if they score, shoulders back and stare at the top of their cross bar, lads"), they got themselves back into the game. Some say that Walsh's equalising goal was a moment of rare skill and deftness, others that if he'd hit it like he'd meant to we'd never have seen the ball again - who can say? But his curled chip looped over the keeper and found the corner of the net which was to set up a frantic last 15 minutes.

CPR pushed hard for the equalising goal, but still lacked decisive penetration up front. A cross from Jacobs found the head of Littlechild, but he was unable to add to his promising start to the season in front of goal. Waite and Butt looked good in midfield, but were unable to find the killer through ball, and with around five minutes left a tiring CPR defence couldn't prevent a quick counter-attack down the Atholl right ending with a cross to the middle which was converted by the number 9.

So a disappointing end to a match which CPR had threatened to take something from, but positives can still be taken from a hard fought contest, especially in the second half, when at 2 nil down, CPR refused to let heads drop and fought to the bitter end.

Pints of Guinness were sunk in a nearby hostelry to revive flagging limbs, as the team looked forward to the next match at home against Lokomotiv Knightsbridge. With players absent from this match to welcome back to the fold, the outlook should be nothing but optimistic.

Final score: The Atholl 3, CPR 1

Match Reporter: Chris Sloane

The free-kick was whipped in and Jacobs decided he had had enough and wanted to part of the illustrious own-goal club, and the ball skimmed off the top of his head and into the top corner. Unlike Scotty a few weeks before he gladly owned up and did not try and hide the embarrassment from the rest of team. 1-0 down in the first minute and I am sure there were a few people thinking the worst. However CPR are made of more than this nowadays and there would be no capitulation today.

CPR pulled up their socks, focused their attention above the opposition's goal as per Tooley's instructions and decided the best way to get round this was to play themselves back in the game. The defence stepped up a level, the midfield worked harder with Pratty sticking in some big challenges and Walshy starting to dominate in the air. Stuart and Saif were also starting to cause a few problems.

As CPR began to dominate the game they nearly got back in it: Gypo swung in a corner to the back post and Walshy rose to head narrowly wide. Despite some nice build-up play it was actually a great bit of direct football which got CPR on equal terms. A long kick from Sloane went further than anyone thought, especially the Lokomotiv defence who watched as the ball bounced over their heads and the wee man pounced and volleyed the ball sweetly into the back of the net. One each and CPR relaxed, knowing if they continued as they were the points were there for the taking.

It was no surprise then that soon after CPR, were to take the lead some moments later. The pressure was starting to grow on the Lokomotiv defence, which led to Rachel being hacked down just outside the 18-yard box. With one goal in the bag and the ever-present thought that unless he started scoring more the Golden Boot may be disappearing from the mantelpiece, Stu only had eyes for goal. He coolly slotted ball round the wall and in to the bottom corner under the keeper. 2-1 CPR.

Lokomotiv battled to get back into the game but never seemed to find that cutting edge, and when they did manage to break the defence, Pratty tracked back and was on duty with a fantastic tackle to stop the striker who was through on goal.

As we approached half-time CPR's domination showed again and a flick-on went through to Saif, allowing him and the wee man to combine for Stu to prod in for the first-half hat-trick which came from just three attempts on goal. 3-1 CPR at half time.

Halftime: CPR 3, Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 1

In the second half CPR knew that the opposition would come at them hard and a change brought Waity in to centre-half for Scotty who was rumored as needing to leave to get his highlights done. This was to prove a decision well made with Whitey getting the better of his opponent from the off. Lokomotiv continued to ply balls into the box but CPR were equal to everything that was being thrown at them. And despite more possession CPR managed to keep them limited to numerous long shots and optimistic balls over the top.

This limited CPR to counter-attack football, and fresh legs up front were bought on to help out. Saif was replaced by Richard Wills who made his first start of the season and was brought on to hold the ball up and try and hit the opposition on the break. CPR were then left with a few half-chances, one of which fell to Walshy who from outside the box tried to lob the keeper only for the ball to bounce four times before reaching him. Rachel had great pleasure in not only taking the piss but also telling him that a simple ball would have put him through on goal.

The hat-trick hero was then relieved of duties, not to soak up the applause of the crowd but due to picking up a slight hamstring injury. Alex making his debut for CPR came in to the fold to add some fresh legs.

CPR also should have had a penalty when Rich Wills was sandwiched in the box and blatantly brought down and for once the ref agreed. However, he then confused everyone by awarding an indirect free kick in the area.

Lokomotiv continued to try and break down CPR but the lads were excellent, much to the frustration of the opposition who then started to try and kick anything other than the ball. So far have CPR come that in the last five minutes, rather than being pegged in their own box, they actually played in the other team's half. In the last minute a long throw from Waity was headed goal-bound by Walshy, who was just about to start celebrating before the goalkeeper - who had been awful all game - somehow managed to get a hand to the ball and put it out for a corner.

From the resulting corner came a melee between a frustrated Lokomotiv player and Waity. As Waity ran in for the corner the aforementioned player had a swipe at him and Waity duly responded. The handbags came out but thankfully the ref, knowing the game was over, kept his cards in his pocket.

The final whistle went and CPR celebrated, another 3 pts, 3 goals for the wee man and a spirited performance means that confidence should be high going in to the Arian game.

Final score: CPR 3, Lokomotiv Knightsbridge 1

Match Reporter: Chris Walsh

However, a disjointed changing session along with the older players' constant need for a piss and SJ's jokes saw a team leaving as individuals rather than the Irwin family still trying to find that ever-elusive sting ray, but with Toby sensing wandering minds and Rubber's constant dreams of being pumelled with a leather paddle, we rounded up the CPR massive and the warm-up got started.

Two widths of the pitch and a view of Paddy's knackers in the Budha stretching position was enough to ensure minds were switched on ready for battle.

Lined up and ready to go, eyes faced forward and all the week's Christmas party hangovers had disappeared. However at that moment the CPR supporters' club must have thought they were looking at a bunch of lilliputers facing a shed-load of gullivers!

Still, having lost the toss and being asked to face the low sun, CPR kicked off and of course before you blinked, Gypo was in his usual position - on the deck! Blood coming from the mouth, after a polite elbow from one of the gobby codes, meant at that moment CPR knew once again that it was going to be another lovely 90 mins with Northern Town.

Starting off the brighter and louder, the abnormal opposition began knocking the ball around and putting boots in where they were not wanted. Still, CPR survived and shape began to form: heads lifted and mouths opened and the red and blue army began to march.

Some good football from both sides didn't come to much. However, Rickie and Stu with their pace and ability did turn and out-pace the redwood-like defence. A good work rate was established and Pratty, getting in a good performance before his birthday, began to get the ball down and pass it around. Midfield and defence were solid and more pressure was put onto the opposition: numerous corners were had but somehow nothing came from them.

Sensing luck was on their massive shoulders, Northern Town gathered themselves and began to gain confidence: pressure mounted and gilt-edged opportunities were missed. Still, the guy who drowned in the penalty-spot puddle surely thought he must have scored for his efforts!

CPR dug in and tried to contain, until a ball was swung in, a head was obviously easy to find and two players bundled the ball past a beaten keeper. Elated northern blokes went into serious New Year's Eve like jubilation. However, this only lit the fuse to ignite the dormant CPR hearts.

Once again finding themselves one down, heads did not drop and CPR picked themselves up. Pratty took another elbow to the head but again it didn't matter, CPR were not going to go down without a fight. The ball pinged about but with the best work coming from the troops in red, a few opportunities were missed until a move from defence through midfield and then a sweet turn by the Cambodian malaria-suffer, Rickie, saw him through on goal where he drilled a right-foot shot from his new sweatshop Nike boots: it came off the post and rippled the holey net. 1-1 and back in it.

The half-time whistle was blown and the weekly Jaffa Cake party started, along with some strong words and belief that this game was for the taking.

Halftime: Northern Town 1, CPR 1

First back onto the pitch, the lilliputarians sensed northern blood and the second half kicked off into action. Once again, however, the brighter start was made by the man-mountains in black and white. But although possesion was theirs, CPR as a team held firm and restricted them to wayward efforts from distance.

Substitutions were made: Rachel for Waitey, Safety for the Scottish foetus, who after having a great shot saved onto the post, gave his hamstring a rest, and Paddy for Double G (who, has to be said, left the field sporting the best war wound after his amazing first-half goal-line clearance - hope the missus was cool with the new look Gal!?)

With instant success the fresh-legged trio rode into town and began to enable the team to turn the tables. Pratty once again got time to get on the ball and pick passes, and players began to find channels. Pressure turned into more time at their end and Waitey, who seems to have fallen out of the Steve Newman tree, launched a howitzer from a throw-in right into the mixer, only to be met by what can only be described as a bounding, amazingly fresh-legged, leaping, wild elk, all the way from Walthamstow, dressed in rubber fir suit, to rise and nod a guided header past a flailing Northern ginger nut! 2-1 CPR.

Could this be happening could, Rubber/MOTD/highlights scoring the goal that sank the Town and cleared that fog from the Tyne?

Focused from the re-start, the troops kept their shape, spirits were up. The ball once again pinged about - however, the mud began to sap the strength out of the reds' legs. Pratty went through his weekly cramp session and breathing became heavier.

Despite the ever-growing avalanche of shots from the Town, the defence kept firm and the team tackled back to break up play. There was one final twist to this long afternoon and that was a seriously sneaky handball, by the lead thief himself, off the line that no one saw... excellent!

So that was it, the three points had been won and CPR have now become a force in this league. 14 points before Christmas can only mean one thing - EUROPE.

Everyone played their part today, in what can only be described as a total battle, but with beautiful moments of good passing and great skill when it counted.

Well played boys, top respect to fans and players but let's stay focused and keep the momentum going for next week and end before the break on a high - 17 points!

Rock+roll!

Final score: Northern Town 1, CPR 2

Match Reporter: Jim Eyre

The pitches were not the easiest of places to find for some people, especially Paddy who borrowed Scotty's rubber club outfit and went swimming at the water-park first with Ricky, then called about eight times asking for directions before he found us. Sloane, Jacobs and co. were having a housewarming in the wrong dressing rooms close by, singing Opera songs from La Boheme or the like, while Paddy's new lass Gayle was drinking on her own in the Red Lion. Yes Jacobs, she was drinking on her own.

When we all finally found each other and got settled, team captain for the day Toby took us through the squad he had so carefully selected the night before. Or did he leave me to do that because he couldn't remember? Those who can, teach; those who can't, find themselves a rich missus and blag it. Regardless, we took to the pitch confident we could turn around the bad fortunes and disappointing result of the week before in The Shield against The Resolute. We started 1-5-3-1-1 as we quite often do with Ricky on his own up-front and we held Arian off for a good 20 minutes and played some clever football at times before they took the lead.

The dangerously fast and handsome pairing of Stuart and Ricky worked hard to chase down the Arian defence and after constant pressure Arian started to make some mistakes. It could have been CPR who took the lead when Ricky was fed through for a one-on-one with Egor the keeper, only for the Nike Retail Manager who's swapping Saturday shifts as soon as he can, to chip the ball narrowly over the bar. Ricky said later that he should have placed it, but you only get a split second to think about it and if you don't react the chance is gone. We'll that's unless you're Scotty who stays in on a Friday night surfing through hair gel websites and plotting over-head kicks for the next day! Ricky had another chance minutes later on the right wing where he beat a defender and swung in a great cross but The Hulk caught the ball before Stuart could blast it home.

The Arian goal came from a corner on the left that was unchallenged in the box and when the weak header came in it fumbled over the line to the disgust of the vacant defence. It could have been CPR in the lead but it was to be an afternoon of missed opportunities and disappointment, although having said that our heads never went down as we always had the belief we could score which has to be encouraging. We went in at half time 1-0 down but there was nothing between the two teams as CPR had a couple of corners on the right and were unlucky on two separate occasions when Steve's throws on the right narrowly escaped contact from one of our players.

Halftime: Arian 5, CPR 1

The second half started much the same as the first, but Arian were slightly hungrier. The wind helped neither side as it was as unpredictable as Evans in the shower, but Arian did seem to use it to their advantage and play the ball on the deck where we were guilty of long inaccurate balls over the top. Again, Stuart and Ricky chased down the ball when it came but it was to no avail most of the time as Tooley, Rich, Rich and Newman were not getting the breaks in midfield to feed the strikers. Rich L did have all the space, but unfortunately no-one could find the ball to pass it to him or perhaps he was just being ignored again.

When we did attack we looked dangerous, but this was mostly through set-pieces on the right and the breaks didn't go our way. It was largely a chasing game for the CPR midfield which must have been physically demanding on the heavy pitch, especially as the skilful Arian players made good use of the ball. Pratty did well though, he played a full ninety minutes and there were no cramp incidents. I put that down to the ballerina practice in the week and all those elegant pirouettes on the pitch.

It was in the second half that the referee started to take things slightly too seriously and became as card-happy as Graham Poll on his birthday. We should have known that he was a ticket when he lined us all up at the start and checked our studs and jewellery like a true professional. Players were even being booked for having an opinion, so obviously Scotty escaped a yellow. The only surprise was that he didn't book Evo lining up on the side showing off his new pants before he came on for Garry. Jokes aside, though, he was spoiling the game with his strict pedantic rules and I think the Arian captain was right to question his attitude and suggest we make a complaint. Well, he can.

The goals came thick and fast for Arian after we took our foot from the pedal and with 55 minutes gone they scored two good goals in quick succession. The first was a drive from 25 yards that screamed into the corner quicker than Paul does when they take away his chips, and the second was a well-worked passing move that was neatly chipped (sorry Paul) over Chris. The CPR keeper could do nothing about the goals but when they went in we did lose some of our confidence and belief.

At 3-0 down Captain Toby thought it was time for a change and took off Rich L for Jacobs and then brought himself on for Garry at left-back, but unfortunately neither could change the shape of the game, just the shape of our left-back's stomach. There was a sense that the game was over after the goals went in but this did make us push up the pitch and attack more. The new found attacking force found new levels when Waity decided to shoot from kick-off, but with the wind it was too easy for Gonzo in goal. Our goal finally came from a bit of pressure on the right where Paddy won a few headers and found Jacobs who smashed a ball through to the front line. When the ball went out of play Steve threw in a long throw that was headed back out to the edge of the box where Stuart volleyed low into the left corner to beat Sloth. The debate in the Red Lion afterwards was whether this shot was a miss-hit or if the ball was deflected into the goal, but I can accurately relate that it was an absolute peach.

With 3-1 the score, our heads up once again and a glimpse of more goals to come we attacked Arian straight from the kick-off, but only for us to be hit almost instantly on the counter with another quick passing move that ended in another well taken goal. 4-1 had killed us off and the new score-line was our sobering realisation of defeat. Again we attacked and could have scored another with another chance for Ricky where he ran through to beat two defenders only to be closed down by the keeper and send the ball agonisingly wide. Later in the game both Scotty and Waity tried some acrobatics in the box from CPR corners and long throws, but the day MOTD scores from a scissor-kick is the day I copy his haircut. Over the years we worked out its cost him £1,200 to wear it and that he could have had 6 season tickets at the Rubber Club instead. As he reminds me, though, he is the only player with two man of the match footballs!

All in all not such a great day for CPR but we are starting to play as a unit again. We can take some positives into the game next weekend and hopefully get climbing back up that league.

Final score: Arian 5, CPR 1

Match Reporter: Stuart Kuczynski

The early afternoon kick off inspired the usual pre match tactical Q&As such as "Is Peppers wearing a padded coat?", "Do we have a ref?" (after such a discussion already took place) and "Do we all have to have a pedicure just before the warm up, like Richie P?"

Still, once suited and booted the CPR soldiers stepped out on to the turf of our new pitch at South Park, just a few yards from the previous.

Knowing that The Resolute would come out and try to hit us strong, CPR were prepared, for the task in hand, Steve pointing out that in order to beat this lot we need to score at least twice.

The game started, as predicted, with The Resolute coming at us strongly straight from the off. With their strong passing and running off the ball it made for a few early chances for our old enemy, but it was when we hit them on the break, with Steve hammering home a sweetly struck ball, that CPR started to match them by generating more chances.

The Resolute then returned the favour by once again stringing some good passing and running together: they pushed forward and won a penalty from a ball that struck Scotty's hand. The taker confidently struck the ball low to the keeper's left and they were back in the game.

Even with Walshy taking to his new role up front like a duck to the surface water of South Park over Xmas, CPR struggled to created any further chances. The Resolute pressed their advantage and went 2-1 up as CPR sat back till the half-time whistle.

Halftime: CPR 1, The Resolute 2

No truer words have been said about the beautiful game being of two halves, as CPR came out with renewed vigour and belief that this was to be a navy and white day (with red socks).

The game kicked off and CPR went straight at the Resolute, with play linking up well and getting the ball up to the front two.

It truly was a sucker punch when The Resolute put together a trade mark of passing and moving and fed the ball through for their player to strike a sweet ball in to the back of the net to make it 3-1.

For once this didn't seem to make CPR flinch as they carried pressing on as if nothing happened (we should learn from this boys!!!), and from nowhere Stupert cracked a thunderous tap-in from 40 yards that absolutely stunned The Resolute. 3-2.

This sent them into a state of shock as our sucker-punch hit them and CPR went into a frenzy of attacks that gave the away side a scare, as the traditional fixture continued to go right down to the wire.

As the ref blew full time, both teams almost collapsed to the ground as the battle came to an end. The captain came over and congratulated us on a fine performance and told us that the score didn't reflect the game. CPR can take great pride in this and move on to start back on our track to winning ways.

The game didn't stop there, however, as the chat about the game, the way we played and how to play the next game carried over to the pub afterwards. This was quickly changed when Jacobs wanted to know what euphemisms the team used for female genitalia. Any ideas please forward them on to Si Jacobs.

Since the result didn't reflect the outcome, there is need for a short poem that'll keep us going:

"I wake up on Sat ready for battle
to my left is a body, the stage of my last rattle.

It's a perfect day for the beautiful game
Play all day till it starts to rain

If we win we go home happy
In seven days we'll be back again

People would say we're crazy and we've lost all our senses
But at least we'll have beer money and a tenner for expenses

So I sit with my wounds up in bandages writing this report
For next week we fight again, and it's all for the love of the sport"

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!

Paddy

Final score: CPR 2, The Resolute 3

Match Reporter: Paddy Cavanagh

All that CPR had to do was find it!!!

The 13-man squad managed to find their way from the 4 corners of London in plenty of time with the exception of Walshy who decided to surrender his new found position as striker in favour of 'warm apple pie'!!!. Excuses rained in regarding Stu's poor directions (the same directions which got the other 12 to the right place!!) but with perseverance, a tour of East Acton, a hike, a postman's directions, North Acton, a train, Acton Central and a taxi he finally arrived. He arrived to see a strong CPR side holding their own against the league leaders.

The game had begun with both sides sounding each other out and trying hard to gain the upper hand. After 15 minutes of stalemate Chiswick pushed forward in numbers resulting in a barrage of corners from which they caused some real problems in the air. CPR were forced in to a bit of panic defending but with the willingness of the team to get their bodies in the way the ball was initially kept out. It has to be said that when it came to getting bodies in the way the top award goes to the CPR keeper 'kamikaze Sloane' who 'put his head on the line' to save a well-struck volley from all of 2 yards out that seemed a certain goal.

Soon after from yet another corner a looping hook shot from the handy Chiswick number 10 found it's way in to the corner of the net only to be ruled out for (apparent) offside. Well done ref, the cheque is in the post!!!

This only served to inject some urgency in to the CPR game, the intensity lifted with Newman and Rich P taking a real grip in the centre of the park. Possession was turned in to chances with both Saif and Stu creating openings before half-time but unable to convert.

Halftime: Racing Chiswick 0, CPR 0

One change at the start of the second half saw Walshy managing to pull up his pants to take on the challenge of what looked to be one of the best defences in the league. Saif graciously made way after having given a great display of individual skill and link-up play with the midfield, which will make the team selection as difficult as ever.

The game soon opened up on the large pitch with both teams able to spread the ball around. Chiswick found their way in to and around the CPR box but to their frustration there was no way through. The new defensive partnerships held strong, adding to the frustration resulting in a couple of bookings for the league leaders. Inevitably Chiswick found a route to goal via long range and set pieces but their heads soon dropped when they realised there was no way past 'The Rock' (Sloane) whose comprehensive performance had lifted the CPR confidence and inspired a 100% effort from the whole team. Undoubtedly a man of the match performance.

Scotty got his chance at wingback for the flagging Evo with 15 minutes to go but thankfully, after him reaching the dizzy heights of the opposition's penalty area he suffered no nosebleeds or altitude sickness.

As the half wore on, Walsh, O'Toole and Stu battled tirelessly to create an opening with the most noticeable chance falling to Stu, shooting low to the keeper's near post only for a fortunate knee to deflect the ball for a CPR corner. The remaining 5 minutes passed with both teams showing tired legs all over the pitch. So the game finished honours even but with a feeling of victory for CPR who had now reaped the rewards of the effort and hard work over the past month.

So, some improvement still possible but the future is bright!

Final score: Racing Chiswick 0, CPR 0

Match Reporter: Iain Waite

Despite the fact that Evans was not expected at the game, he did manage to make an appearance, albeit in the form of a carrot nosed ice monster. After careful observation however, it was concluded that the iceman could not in fact be Toby; due to the combination of speed, effort and cool-headedness that it demonstrated on the pitch.

With the referee clearly following Walshy's exact footsteps around East (North, South and West) Acton last week, the teams were forced to begin the match with Garry taking the role of 'Hugh Dallas' for the day!

With a new attacking formation in place (4-4-2), CPR began the game in positive style. Good all-round play combined with a very strong defence and high-quality passing and movement throughout the pitch, secured some early openings for the CPR strike-force. Walshy was unlucky not to open the scoring on a couple of occasions, before Stu managed to beat the offside trap, to sneak in a lovely chip over the Chiswisk keeper. 1-0 and all going to plan...

The domination continued with CPR's new attacking approach resulting in some stylish football being played by all and a free-kick being awarded on then edge of the box. This was duly converted by multi-talented Oscar Nominee, Peter O'Toole©, bringing the score line to a healthy 2-0, after only twenty five minutes of play.

Shortly after, Mr. Dallas was given a reprieve, as the referee finally chose to make his appearance; sauntering in a fashionable thirty minutes late. His arrival coincided with a drop in CPR's standard of play, as the opposition began to find their way back into the game. They were soon awarded a corner, which was deflected in from a back-post header (2-1). This upset served to remind CPR that they were still in a match and that a fight would be needed to ensure victory. Metaphorical socks were pulled up and the team rallied together to hold onto their one goal lead until halftime.

Halftime: Racing Chiswick Legends 1, CPR 2

CPR started the second half as they had the first: with each member of the team winning their individual battles and reproducing the attacking style that had earned them their two previous goals. The back four grew in confidence, and continued to find feet in midfield. It wasn't long before chances were again being created. Following an impressive run along the right wing by Saif, which he concluded with a low cross to the centre, multi-talented Oscar Nominee, Peter O' Toole©, was perfectly positioned to finish the move. 3-1, and one foot in the quarter finals...

Not long afterwards, the wind of change began to blow as Rachel, Garry and MOTD (featuring newly improved, extended highlights) came on to replace Safety, Jacobs and multi-talented Oscar Nominee, Peter O' Toole©. All three replacements made their presence felt and helped keep CPR in the ascendancy. Within minutes, Rubberclub found himself two yards in front of an open goal, with the ball arriving at his feet. Confident as ever, he chose not to take a touch; instead coolly slotting it wide of the goal, to the obvious amusement of his team-mates. His confidence unabated, he continued to forage forward and managed to pressure the defence into a mistimed interception which sent the ball hurtling into the back of their own net. This own-goal set the final score at 4-1 and the cup-run continues.

This one was for you, Budgie.

Forza

Tooley

Final score: Racing Chiswick Legends 1, CPR 4

Match Reporter: John O'Toole

It was also a return to the home ground, which meant that everyone knew where we were playing, how to get there and what the nearest tube station was. Having said that, Si Jacobs seemed to get lost on the way and obviously mistook the captain's 12.00 sharp meet for a 1.10 meet! However the ref obviously seemed to have taken the same directions as Jacobs and also arrived late!

With transfer rumours abounding, the starting 11, which included Evano back from his trip up to homeland of Stu, Paul + Garry, were ready for the fight. CPR stood tall and fought gallantly and hard against their opponents, soaking up pressure for the first 15 minutes + then began to make their opponents worry.

Opportunities arose for Walshy, Paddy and Stu, but through lack of finishing or Primrose bodies getting in the way, the ball just wouldn't fall kindly to the CPR team. Goalmouth scrambles and Steve's long throws still didn't give CPR the goal they deserved.

With 10 minutes left it looked like CPR may have to make an enforced change in goal when Sloane went down injured with a calf problem. Luckily the team physio (Waite) was on hand to help the keeper giving him a series of stretches to carry out and although injured, Sloane carried on.

Primrose continued to attack, but the defence held firm soaking up any pressure thrown at them, with Si Jacobs sticking like glue to Shev, giving the quality striker very short change out of any opportunity he had. It looked like CPR would at least go into the half level with their opponents, but with 5 mins left of the half, Primrose broke down the right and forced a corner.

The corner was taken and although cleared by CPR, it flew fortunately to one of the Primrose Hill players who sweetly hit the ball and it flew into the back of net. 1-0 to Primrose Hill!! In previous games against these opponents CPR heads would have gone down, but the new resolve instilled in the CPR team meant that from the restart CPR tried to get back on even terms but were eventually beaten by the clock/whistle.

Halftime: CPR 0, Primrose Hill 1

A tactical switch was made at half time, with Moore being replaced by Griffin. CPR pressed to gain the decisive goal that would bring them back into the game, but as they pressed Primrose broke and earned a corner. The corner was taken and not only was Walshy bundled into the back of the net, but so was the ball. CPR protested about the blatant foul on Walsh, but to no avail, the referee gave a goal 2- 0. Within the next 10 minutes two more goals were conceded from similar circumstances, but this time Walshy managed to stay upright. Both goals were from set piece corners again, and left CPR with a mountain to climb.

Rather than lie down and let Primrose Hill rack up a cricket score CPR mustered the fighting spirit and enjoyed a spell of decent possession and even managed to have a few goal attempts, but like the first half Primrose managed to get bodies in the way and CPR could not find the finishing touch. Paddy had a couple cleared off the line and Walshy had a shot, but unfortunately it went slightly wide (or a lot wide, depending on whom you speak to).

Sloane also kept CPR in the game, continuing to pull off some brilliant saves. With 25 minutes to go Peppers signalled another tactical change. Evano went off and Saif came on and CPR reverted to a new 4-4-2 formation.

CPR continued to battle away hoping to gain something from the game, but in the last 10 minutes, Primrose broke down the right hand side and slotted the ball into the penalty area. Sloane saved the first shot, but after a cheeky back heal by their number 10 he couldn't avert the fifth and final goal.

CPR carried on the fight and again carved out a few chances but by now we knew it wasn't going to be our day, nothing was going our way. When the final whistle went many of the CPR team were hobbling having taken knocks, but the day was more of frustration knowing that we had had the chances, but we didn't have the luck with us today.

All in all not such a great day for CPR, the score line did not reflect the effort and chances that we had. CPR were well beaten in the end, but the side felt a little hard done by at the margin of defeat. We can take plenty of positives into the game next weekend, such as the never say die attitude and the fighting spirit which we showed. If we fight as hard each week like today, we can soon see a climb back up that league.

Forza

MOTD

Final score: CPR 0, Primrose Hill 5

Match Reporter: Scott Moore

The game started fairly comfortably for CPR with Tooley seeing a lot of the ball at left wingback but the Irishman limped off after only 10 minutes and it unsettled the balance of the side. His replacement, Griffin couldn't believe his luck, 80 mins of action and he still only had to pay half his match fee!

Northern Town which these days is not such an apt name for a team full of Kiwis worked hard and although they had little of the ball, found themselves ahead following a Garry Owen and a rugby tackle by the centre forward on Scotty worthy of the All-blacks.

"It is bad enough with the incapable referees... we have but if you start bringing in women, you have big problems." Said Mike Newell.

CPR's heads did not go down and were always confident of getting back into the game but their football was far from fluent, the swirling wind not helping.

A long ball from Johnston was exquisitely nodded on by Walshy and when Stu finally beat the offside trap, his finish was genuinely sublime into the bottom right hand corner.

A deserved equaliser for CPR but things needed to change in the second half.

Halftime: CPR 1, Northern Town 1

Paddy was an unfortunate casualty in the half time re-shape which saw CPR return to 4-4-2 and Safety (AKA Saif Poppadom-Paella) was unleashed onto the right wing.

The wee man made an instant impact, forcing the long-haired left back to defend and getting to the by-line on numerous occasions. Two of his cut-backs were collected by Stu and Walshy who in-turn smashed their respective efforts off the post.

From another move down the CPR right, Stu was man-handled just outside the box by the giant centre half but shrugged him off and proceeded forward. The big man then cynically had another tug, this time inside the box.

The ref, not used to people going down inside her area got a tad flustered and appeared to point to the spot. Stuey replied, So that's where it is!? ..but was awarded a meagre free-kick.

"It is absolutely beyond belief. When do we reach a stage when all officials are women because then we are in trouble?" Mike again.

CPR continued to press but began to lack ideas, although they never really looked like conceding at the back. The game was heading for a draw when a set-piece which CPR had been handling pretty well all game was sent in. The ball was a little too high for Scotty who could do no more than divert it into the path of the big man at the back post who snuck it beyond Chris for a 2-1 lead with 10 mins to go.

CPR huffed and puffed but didn't appear to have a plan B for such situations and they rarely threatened.

Overall, a bitterly disappointing day against a team CPR would expect to beat. A dog-fight looms. Are CPR up for the battle?

Final score: CPR 1, Northern Town 2

Match Reporter: Paul Johnston

On a good, expansive pitch, CPR were solid and resolved from the outset, giving little away at the back without genuinely threatening the Maverick goal - guarded by the nimble but small ‘Marcel’. As the half wore on CPR began to size up their opponents and took a deserved lead through a typical Foetus run in behind the backline and neat finish. A near identical move almost produced the same effect and the wee Scotsman was foiled again by a leaping Marcel. A 1-0 lead at half time was a fair reflection on the game and CPR looked up for the challenge.

Halftime: Mavericks 0, CPR 1

The second half started like the first - some good possession from the Mavericks at times but they just didn’t ‘want to dance the night away’ and created little in the final third. CPR continued to push and were rewarded when Perrence latched onto a sliced Chris ‘is long’ Walsh shot to nip in and bury the ball beyond Marcel. However, in typical melodramatic CPR fashion the two goal cushion was not enough and two set pieces in a short space of time led to two headed goals as the number 13 (makes Ronaldo look like he stays on his feet) put a free kick that Donny ‘possibly longer than Walshy’ had pushed on to the bar back into an empty net and made an unstoppable run to put a free kick from the left side into the top corner.

How would CPR react - was it game over? The answer is yes - game over - but not for CPR. Captain Peppers installed some fresh legs to add impetus and from a swinging Foetus corner an ‘Unusual Suspect’ Perry (less hair than at start of match), appeared at the far post top nudge the ball into the net. Game on! And not to be outdone, Foetus latched on to some wayward passing out of defence to smash a sumptuous fourth past Marcel - poor little monkey.

Delight for CPR and despair for ‘Oui oui Eric’. CPR continued to dominate, driven on by the outstanding Pratt in midfield, and Evans managed to pick up a remarkably quick booking as he rattled a few Maverick cages. Waity, Brunswick and ‘Long’ Walsh gave strength and power and there was hard work up the wings from fullbacks ‘Tufnell’, Birthday Boy Banana Bonanza’, and wide man Raquel (wife to Del Boy - where’s my sandwiches). Captain Peppers ‘I usually like the smell of my own _ _ _ _ _!’ cajoled and marshalled his backline, and all the eager substitutes gave there all. Excellent touchline support from John ‘Thunderbirds are go’ Andrews and ‘Paddy’s Girl’ (sounds like a racehorse).

This was an excellent team performance and all there contributed - on wards and upwards for the cup this week and the continuing league campaign.

Final score: Mavericks 2, CPR 4

Match Reporter: Richard Wills

The CPR squad was largely unchanged from the side that had prevailed the week before. Sloane was due to return to goalkeeping duties. He turned up ready, focussed and sporting a fine forest of facial hair, suggesting perhaps that in light of Paul Robinson's scoring, he was adopting a Rooney-only-shave-when-you-score type attitude. Fortunately, Walshy had not taken this approach (for fear he may trip over his lengthy whiskers), whilst apparently Stu had done so back in October, but so soft was the peach fuzz on his baby boy cheeks that no one noticed. Ricky made a return in place of Wills, with the final spot in the 14 squeezed into by pancake lover Scotty.

History has given us many examples of the little and large combination, some very successful (Phillips & Quinn - Sunderland), some less so (Fleetwood & Fox - Brits '89). However, the Stu and Walshy attacking pairing had thus far proved more Berbatov & Keane rather than Walshy being the Ian Krankie, to Stu's wee Jimmy. Accordingly, Capt Peppers opted to move Ricky out to the left wing of the 4-4-2 and keep the two Claphamites together.

The game started most satisfactorily for CPR, with the play seemingly confined solely to the Bishop's Park half. Ricky, freed from the capitalist shackles of Nike for the day, soon shook off the defensive shackles of the BP right back and began jinking and probing his way down the left flank. As the pressure began to build, CPR made the breakthrough from a Newman long throw. It was Waitey (having made kick off time for a third week in succession - Mrs Perkins' sponge bath would have to wait for another day), whose pudding-bowl barnet gave him the extra inch to leap the highest and nod a looping header over the flapping arms of the BP keeper into the net. Cue celebrations, exactly the start Capt Peppers and CPR had wanted.

What was less welcome was how we reacted to taking the lead. CPR's grit and determination was washed away by a tsunami of complacency. All of a sudden, it was black shirts, not white that were winning headers. Rebounds and second balls were being won by the Division 1 team, not the Premier. And were it not for an outstanding point blank save from Sloane, the scores would have been levelled far sooner.

Soon BP did level, and then took the lead, all within the space of 3 minutes. Some neat passes by their forward men left the striker one on one, and he slotted neatly into the corner of the net. Then a long ball from the BP centre back found the same striker, who jinked his way into the box and again finished confidently.

The remainder of the first half was notable for all the wrong reasons. CPR struggled to get feet on the ball, missed tackles and couldn't string two passes together. It was the lesser talented BP that dealt with the swirling winds, high balls and bobbly turf better. And were it not for their whining, the incessant interference of their supporters and the fact they called their centre-mid 'Mad Dog', one could almost respect them as a team. Going into half time, there was fire in Capt Peppers belly, and it wasn't from his pre-match Pepperami Firestick, nor from the sausage & egg McMuffin, nor the poppy seed bagel with salmon and cream cheese, nor the pickled onion monster munch, nor the three chocolate croissants.

Halftime: CPR 1, Bishop's Park 2

The second half began much as the first had ended - in frustration for the men in white. The rough, hard turf had the ball bouncing like Pammie's puppies in their prime, and CPR seemed bizarrely unable to cope. What's more, despite the aerial prowess of Walshy and Newman, BP seemed to be winning every high ball and CPR frustration was really showing; Sloaney once more having to save CPR blushes with a fine save high to his left from a well struck BP free kick.

Despite our obvious lack of progression, CPR hearts were in this game, with some tasty tackles flying in midfield from Rich P. Peppers was marshalling the defence well, and Waitey was cleaning up anything and everything around him (all in a day's work for a nurse I guess). Capt Peppers, assisted by Peter O'Toole on the sidelines, rang some attacking changes, and swapped Rich L and Evo for Saif and Paddy, in two like-for-like swaps.

With time BP's energy seemed to wane, and the seeds of CPR fitness (planted by a marathon running craze started by CPR's singing Sebastian Coe - Jacobs) started to bear juicy fruits. Again, a succession of quick or long throws found CPR deep in the BP half, and finally the whites pulled themselves level again; Newman rising highest to head home a near carbon copy of Waitey's goal. The goal seemed to knock some life into the side; everyone became a yard faster and an inch taller, and within minutes, after some quick interplay and a goal mouth scramble, the ball fell to Paddy five yards out with an open goal. He'd been here before and been denied, but this time the plucky fashionista slammed the ball home with the same outrageous passion he'd shown earlier when declaring himself 'officially in a relationship.'

This was the CPR we love, battling and fighting for every ball, over every blade of grass. And as the on pitch celebrations roared, the off pitch cheering and banter reached boiling point. Evo, having been on the receiving end of some choice phrases from a particularly cretinous BP supporter during the first half, took exception to his wandering about CPR territory. Evo had long since scent marked Scotty, and as far as he was concerned no outsider was permitted to pass this marked boundary into his domain. He told the man in no uncertain terms where to go, how to behave and what he thought of him, leaving a man of 40+ years speechless and cowering in shame (school children take note).

Until they have someone who will piss on their centre back and bark insanely at loafer wearing supporters, Bishop's Park have nothing more than a mildly disconcerted puppy playing centre-mid.

Although there were 15 minutes left, the game was effectively over. BP heads dropped faster than Stu's trousers at a Barcelona brothel. And unsurprisingly CPR extended the lead. After a prolonged period of possession Stu whipped the ball into the box and Walshy beat the out-coming keeper to firmly head the ball in. A textbook headed goal that finally broke the big striker's goal drought of 17,839 minutes without a goal, and sealed our progression to the semis.

With 10 minutes to play, CPR swapped Ricky for Scotty, who waddled his way to his usual centre-back berth, and we reverted to a solid 5-3-2 formation. Despite the defensive style, the final 10 saw CPR continually pushing for a fifth goal, with Jacobs bombing down the left flank like a man possessed. Not one, but two chances fell to Singin' Seb; the first a low shot well saved to the keeper's left, followed by an outrageous attempted lob that somehow the keeper managed to claw away from goal. A fine attacking display from a player whose confidence and contribution to CPR has grown immensely this season.

The final whistle blew, and in this battle of black vs. white, good vs. evil, it was the truth and beauty of the CPR white that prevailed, and deservedly so. The sour words and events of the first half were sugared by victory, and the post match orange juices (as recommended by eminent nutritionist Dr Saif Butt) tasted all the sweeter for it.

So the clouds unfold to the semi-final, and with this victory CPR sharpened their arrows of desire, and proved they will not cease from mental fight. Two more victories and we will have built our Jerusalem and have the trophy pleasantly in hand.

Final score: CPR 4, Bishop's Park 2

Match Reporter: Rich Littlechild

Once a headcount had been taken and Evans's moccasins/slippers/plimsolls had been fully taken in, a formation needed to be decided upon to suit the personnel in attendance, as well as with an eye on next weeks cup semi-final. A 4-4-2 formation was settled on, with Captain Pablo set to play in midfield, unfortunately this plan only lasted the duration of the warm-up, as the Captain went over on his ankle, trimming the CPR squad down to 11 players.

The game didn't start too well for Safety, who failed to live up to his name with a first touch MOTD's left foot would have been embarrassed by, this let to a swift attack by Arian ending with a tame effort under pressure. CPR seemed to settle after this early wobble and were competing well with Arian all over the pitch, although not yet putting to the test the capabilities of the dodgy looking Arian keeper.

After an interruption for a spot of dog rage, the game continued to follow the same pattern, with neither team looking too threatening. That soon changed when Sloane, or was it Pratty, needed put in an excellent last ditch sliding tackle on the Arian striker after he'd initially rounded him, to stop what had looked like a certain goal.

The deadlock was broken through Arian winning a couple of cheap free-kicks down their right flank, the first of which resulted in a goal-mouth scramble, an Arian player finished from close range (0 - 1). Another free-kick from the same area was this time put directly into the opposite top corner of the CPR net, the ball having enough curl and dip to evade everyone on its way through (0 -2).

As in previous weeks CPR responded well to losing a goal(s) and after some neat play out of defence Rachel had enough time to pick out Stu with an exquisite through ball, CPR's top scorer took the ball into his stride but fired wide of the far post, this proved to be the highlight of the first half for CPR.

Halftime: CPR 0, Arian 2

The half-time team talk reminded the players that they'd been in this position against Arian before and had let them get away with relatively easy victories, they had to prove that they're now a different team, especially with a potential cup final to come against the same opposition.

For the second week in a row the Ref decided to have a chat with Safety, this time about his mis-treatment of the giant Arian midfielder. Once again the Ref read the situation perfectly, it's no wonder he's being moved up to a higher level. As if his reading and understanding of the game wasn't enough, he also turned up to this game even though he was ill, so as not to let anyone down, if his example/professionalism couldn't motivate CPR, nothing would.

The game restarted with CPR on the ascendancy and the Arian players hurling more and more abuse at each other, a sign of the pressure being applied to them, with the CPR team not letting them have any time on the ball. There was a brief scare for the CPR defence, but Jacobs anticipated well and cleared off the line.

CPR finally tested the Arian goalie after a lightning beak from an Arian corner, including some neat link-up play between the front two, which ended with Stu's powerful shot seemingly into the back of the net, however, much to everyone's surprise the keeper managed to get a finger to it and tip the ball round the post. Had the keeper been underestimated? or did he just have very fat fingers? Whatever the answer, from the resulting corner Stu put in a perfect ball to the far post and Walshy rose above everyone else to nod home (1 - 2).

CPR continued to push forward and Arian were starting to feel the pressure, as evidenced by the increase in personal threats between their players. Wills again tested the keeper with a fine effort, but ‘sausage fingers' was once again up to the task. Another chance to level the scores soon came CPR's way, a penalty area scramble ended with what could be (and was) described as a "fairy waft" past the keeper, which was cleared off the line by an Arian defender.

CPR had done well to limit the Arian right midfielder's contribution to the second half to a few rants at his own team-mates, however, he finally made a telling contribution to the game, when he got on the end of a cross field ball over the CPR defence and played the ball back across the goal for an easy tap in for the Arian striker (1 - 3).

Straight from the kick-off CPR pushed forward to get themselves back in the game, as always they looked dangerous when able to string together two or three passes and then look for a ball into the box/effort on goal. Further pressure on the Arian defence led to a corner, Stu delivered the ball to the exact same area as for the first CPR goal, the only difference on this occasion was that it was Waite who rose highest to nod home CPR's second goal (2 - 3). CPR rushed back for the kick-off feeling confident of getting something out of the game, but it wasn't to be, as the Ref immediately blew for full-time.

CPR once again left after a match against Arian feeling that they deserved to get more out of the game. With only a few games left in the season and CPR more than capable of winning all of them, they may just get the chance to put one over on Arian before the season is over.

Whatever the remainder of the season holds in store for the CPR squad, at least all the players present on this day could say that they were there, when possibly for the first time ever in the history of association football, a player (Rach) was able to proudly declare that they had in their possession a post match Hot Cross bun.

Final score: CPR 2, Arian 3

Match Reporter: Saif Butt

When Saturday came though, due to some players being away on International duty, oh and Liverpool, the team was juggled around and a confident squad met at Hurlingham Park on what must have been the hottest day of the year. Everyone seemed suitably dressed for the occasion, however I'm not sure that Garry knew about such temperatures dressed in his pullover and jacket!

Out on the field we went to stretch and knock a few balls around away from the opposition and then we confidently walked across to the pitch for a 1:30 kick off only to find out that the ref, who was nowhere in sight but had been hunted down via mobile, thought that it was a 3:00 p.m. start. Why does this happen week in week out?, I ask myself. At this news we headed for the shade and eventually retired back indoors with kick off still another 45 minutes away.

When the team did come back out Captain Evans was feeling confident, he had backed Simon the horse in the national and the ref too was called Simon. Oh it was now all going to plan. As the game kicked off the opposition, whose total age must have been all of 100, oh plus 2 players who had a combined age of 80, began to get nervous as CPR dominated every aspect of the first 15 minutes.

Then with CPR having had little success the opposition gained confidence as they started passing the ball around in small triangles. At times the forwards just bumbled their way through 4 and 5 half-hearted tackles on a pitch that had more dust on it that grass. The inevitable then happened as their tall lanky forward beat the defence single-handedly and scored past a shocked Sloane, who up until that point had hardly been called upon.

The team rallied and chances largely came in the form of set pieces, Stu and Perry from corners and the ever reliable Newman from throw-ins. A Waitey header went over the cross-bar and Ricky had a one-on-one chance with the goalkeeper that agonisingly went wide of the post. You sensed that if CPR could get goal at this stage in the game then the oppostion may have started to argue amongst themselves and concede ground.

However, stalemate set in. Possession was minimal and CPR invited the team in green to start running at them. Lip started to be exchanged as the youths started to get cocky at their new found spirit and skill. A few chances came our way - however they amounted to only that. Saif switched wings with Wills, although this didn't make any great difference.

Halftime: CPR 0, Shooting Stars 1

Discussion at half time was of a team who were definitely beatable but we needed to be a little more patient in our build up and stop giving the ball away so cheaply. Chances would come and we would get back into this game, as has often been the case this year.

Within the first 5 minutes of the second half Saif, who had had a quiet game by his standards, was replaced by Stuart, another of Chewy's office finds. Stuart II added a bit of hunger in a CPR cause that was increasingly coming under more pressure. At this point Evans, who had not quite got into the game all afternoon, tried to clear a header only to find the striker had latched onto it and made it 2-0. In fairness Evans had had to sweep up behind Waitey so you could apportion some blame to Terry on this occasion!

2-0 and CPR heads went downhill rapidly. It just wasn't happening and any chances up front were not threatening their goal. Evans was subbed by an angry Newman and Garry, knee brace and all came into do a defensive job against the young man, who was a third this age. Age and experience won the day with Garry firmly putting him in his parker top pocket.

With 15 minutes left a new desire came over CPR. Chances to score came to Cavalier who shot wide, the ball ending up very close to a young lady who was sunbathing in a thong and Newman who hit the bar and had a chance snuffed by the competent goalie. Then as Waitey and Scott went up for another Newman throw, the former converted to make it 2-1 and with 5 minutes left there was all to play for.

It was a close call and the Shooting Stars started to shoot each other down with panic and full-on rants at each other. If we could only have scored much earlier in the match, this behaviour may have worked in our favour. As the ref blew the whistle S.S. players were still heard to