The Management

2006 - 2007: Paul Johnston and Simon Evans

Djavidnia, a fervent disciple and ambassador of the passing game, sought to encourage everyone on the side to pass and move, even it meant trying to perfect a Cruyff turn inside your own six yard box whilst under pressure from opposing centre forwards.

Griffin, a quiet and steely Glaswegian with a Catalanic sense of pride and drive shares this vision but would rather the ball never reached the six-yard box in the first place. His church is the one of the well-timed, drag-back tackle on the edge of the eighteen yard line just as their number eight is pulling back the trigger.

The Ten Commandments

All management is built on sound principles, and these are the Ten Commandments:

thou shalt not hoof.
thou shalt not put out the ball for a corner.
thou shalt not dwell on the ball in midfield, or defence.
thou shalt f***ing shoot!
but not thy neighbour
or thy neighbour's wife
but thou shalt hit the box
and thou shalt pass!
thou shalt observe the sabbath and hurry up and put the nets up. Come on!
thou shalt dwell in the kingdom of amateur football

The Knowledge

Any manager worth his salt has heard 'em all. Here's the CPR dressing room guide to excuses for not turning up:

What they say	What they mean
Flying to Norway	lunch with Gob Geldof
Chelsea at home	Bed, fags, tea and two sugars please
Had to buy a car	Lager at half price all day in the Pembroke
Niggling short-term injury	Nagging long-term relationship
On holiday	Would rather spend a week half-naked with one man on a beach rather than 90 mins in shorts with 11 men in a park
Conference in Argentina	Met this great Spanish bird on the bus and one thing led to another
Weekend away	Shopping for bathroom furniture in Habitat
Stomach upset	Lock-in on the friday night
Video shoot in Prague	Video shoot in Penge
Going to Australia	Too tight to pay the subs
Own wedding	Clan before club
Sister's wedding (will make second half)	Club before country

Those who've gone before us...
Being a manager of CPR is a dangerous business. You might think it's all trips to Italy and nights out in Di Matteo's pizzeria discussing the merits of Antonio's 'zabriskie point' with Dennis Wise, but the reality is long car journeys in a left-hand-drive fiesta with no A-Z, early morning phone conversations with Barry Fry and hours and hours of pre-match analysis, tactical planning and fragile man management the like of which has not been witnessed since Sir Alf Ramsay drove Jimmy Greaves to the bottle. You might have felt sorry for Vialli, but he left the Bates Motel with Ł350,000 in his back pocket and the entire series of Minder on video, safe in the knowledge that he no longer had to persuade Frank Le Beouf that he was a good footballer. Any CPR manager faces a much more uncertain future...

Tom Williamson (1997-1999)

One of the earliest skippers was surgeon Tom Williamson, the first in a long and distinguished line of Scottish skippers. Tom took charge throughout the team's formative years and led the club out of the darkness to find stability in the first few seasons in the West End league. He would oversee the debut tour of Milan before declaring that he was on fire and going into self-imposed exile to cycle across Cuba.

Samy Djavidnia (1999-2001)

Then came Samy Djavidnia, a fervent disciple and ambassador of the passing game who sought to encourage everyone on the side to pass and move, even when it meant trying to perfect a Cruyff turn inside your own six yard box whilst under pressure from opposing centre forwards.

After several successful seasons Djavidnia would eventually leave the club, spurning another winter without floodlights for the balmy plains of northern Spain. His reign at CPR will be remembered for beards, bobble hats, three-touch football and the strains of 'Nice One Cyril' echoing through the streets of Milan at 4am.

Garry Griffin (2001-2003)

The impossible task of filling Samy's shoes was taken up by Garry Griffin, a quiet and steely Glaswegian with a Catalanic sense of pride and drive who shared Djavidnia's vision of passing the ball from the back but would rather the ball never reached his penalty box in the first place. His church was the one of the well-timed, drag-back tackle on the edge of the eighteen-yard line just as their number eight was pulling back the trigger.

Ken Gall (2003-2004)

Garry led the team to their first victory on foreign soil before handing over the reins to Dundee United fanatic Ken Gall. Think early Taggart meets Bodie on a bad day downtown and you'll get the general gist. No West End League referee was safe when Ken was around. The only thing which was guaranteed to provoke his wrath more than a bad decision was his beloved Tangerines having the temerity to win a game to try and get his hopes up.

Dan Rogers (2004-2006)

When KG sadly had to retire on the grounds that elevated blood pressure was endangering his health, Dan Rogers was next in line to inherit the mantle of CPR skipper. A stalwart in the side for years, Dan's legendary non-nonsense performances at centre-back in the style of Chopper Harris engendered an indomitable will to win which quickly permeated the entire squad. It was under Dan's leadership that CPR finally rose through the ranks of Division One to claim their rightful place in the Senior Division.